silence is golden

the weirdest thing happened to me today. some people were sitting around talking and i was asked if i am an introvert. immediately, i got offended. what the heck? who are you? i wondered. i've never been asked that in my life. then, i became insecure. i tried not to show it, but oh, i did. i spent the next 10 minutes processing this in my head. i'm not an introvert!! all of these thoughts flew through my mind that "these people just don't know me", "these people are crazy, so of course i seem like an introvert"

then i got mad at myself for thinking this way. i know, i know, i'm in haiti, i'm supposed to be talking about the cool stuff i get to do all day long. but, while in haiti, i've done quite a bit of processing. as i get older, i realise that i HAVE become more of an introvert. is this bad?

but then i think of why. what has happened to me? i used to talk a lot. i guess i always felt like i had to- to make myself look better, or etc. kahil gibran once said, "you talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts". i think this is true. when i made the effort to stop interrupting people and to listen (which i had a major problem with) i realised that talking didn't really seem that important anymore. it's not that i stopped trying per se, but i realise i don't need to compete for whatever it was i may have been looking for before.

then, when i became comfortable in my own skin again, i could also be quiet and not mind. so, do i need to be offended because i'm looked at as an introvert? maybe it's a compliment, or maybe, i'm just growing up :)

~P

back to life.....back to reality

why does so much happen in between blogs? oh, well. the fact that i'm not really bothered by it that much makes me feel better about it. well, i went home and surprised my dad for r&r for his birthday. we were changing our r&r policy from the last time he saw me, so he wasn't expecting me home until Christmas. it was fabulous. gosh, i love my parents. they really are great. my dad had such a good time that he said, "I should have a birthday every 3 months!" although we didn't really do much, we did. just having the opportunity of BEING with them, is the best thing I could ask for.

i am back in haiti now, and i must say, it feels pretty good. being at home, i love being with my family and it's nice to hang out with people, but as a relief worker, it's hard to find where you belong. when i go home, i realise how much of my life is NOT normal. you can't relate to people and it's just hard because I can relate to everyone else, but no one can relate to me, so it seems like they don't care, when i know that they know that they don't understand, so that's probably why they don't ask. it's kind of a hard place to be, but....this is my life and i love it.

so, back to work today and i was out in the rain for a while running through the mud trying to get places on time and tools dropped off. less disasters this time than when i went away last time which is a good sign. so, back to life, back to reality!!!

til next time,
-P